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Baconism
Baconism A name commonly used to describe the one true religion in which the people that embrace it believe in the existence of the Holy Bacon and that his teachings and wisdom can be found in the Holy Book of Bacon, possible the greatest holy books ever created. Origins Based on the „Origins” chapter from „Gospel of Kaiser” you may find reference about a being that differentiated from the other animals or creatures by the lack of fur, tail, that being was the first human named as the „unshaved man”. Unfortunately, he was lonely and had no one by his side, eventually the Holy Bacon could not bear the suffering in seeing the unshaved man being lonely and so he convinced Mother Nature to create a being similar to the unshaved man which he may find attractive. A task not hard to accomplish for Mother Nature, however, she created 7 creatures that distinguish themselves by hair and skin color, they were all presented to the unshaved man and he liked them all, naming them as „naked women”. He spent one day with each, but to prevent any confusion he gave each a different name and called them in the same order to prevent any unpleasant situations. The entire cycle of spending with each 7 naked women came to the idea of week for their names were: „Monday”, „Tuesday”, „Wednesday”, „Thursday”, „Friday”, „Saturday” and „Sunday”. Each naked woman had 3 offsprings and they were all learning to build like their father. Baconstadt After three generations, the first city of man was built and it was called „Baconstadt” to honor the generosity of the Holy Bacon because if it wasn't for his help, mankind would no longer exist. Potato The Holy Bacon was elated for receiving such honor that he consumed his enthusiasm by making love to the Goddess of Earth. Once their passion has been consumed, the Goddess of Earth grew inside her soil a demigod which will forever be known as Potato, one that will serve the descendants of the unshaved man by sacrificing himself in times of poverty and malnutrition. Flying Pigs The flying pigs existed once according to the Holy Book of Bacon and it is also explained why they have not been seen by reading the Gospel of Kaiser, Origins 12-15: „Although the Potato was not strong enough to protect the offsprings of the unshaved man by the flying pigs, beautiful creatures but mean and proud. The majestic flying pigs mocked the offsprings of the unshaved man for being unable to fly, ruining their work and watching the skies how the offsprings of the unshaved man struggle in misery. Eventually, the Holy Bacon realized that the flying pigs were a mistake and so he punished them for their pride by cutting their wings and leaving them to graze the green pastures to grow in size. The pigs that will grow in size shall sacrifice themselves for a noble cause, to grant their bacon to the offsprings of the unshaved man.” The Great Migration Eventually, the surroundings of Baconstadt became arid and the pigs could no longer graze, determining the daughters of the naked women and the sons of the unshaved man to form a massive migration to find the promised land in which they may build the greatest ancient civilization. However, the journey was long and many did not have the will to continue and so they decided to stay behind and build their own societies, developing different traditions, belief and speech in the far future. The main group that was determined to reach their destination finally found their promised land and named it Yokai, the first civilization built by mankind. The Kaiser This enigmatic character with a handlebar moustache does not reveal his past in the Holy Book of Bacon. Some researchers say that he was a beggar, but some disagree because he had a clean moustache, some said that he was a nomad from central Europe, others say that his name will inspire to create a title worthy for German Emperors or for smoked bacon. None can say for sure, only that he was first mentioned in „Liebestraume” chapter after Yokai was built and was thriving through culture and ingenuity. During one night, he had a strange vision of a naked blonde lady, a messenger from the Holy Bacon, telling him that mankind has forgotten the taste of bacon and that they must be reminded of such gift given by the Holy Bacon. Such news only confused the Kaiser for he could not understand such term and so the naked blonde lady instructed him in how to create this divine food. The Kaiser woke up and followed her instructions by hunting 3 pigs that grazed the surrounding, sacrificed them and cut one hundred bacon strips from each. He carried the raw burden to a sun-heated rock, watching how the bacon strips were sizzling and becoming crispy. The elated Kaiser picked random plants and fruits that grew nearby and created horse radish mustard. He ate 3 strips then another 3 and another 3 until he fell asleep with his hunger satiated. After he woke up he realised that this divine gift must be shared throughout the land of Yokai and become the prophet of a new religion which will be known as Baconism. Category:Baconism __FORCETOC__